We all have a thought that we would like this or that to come into our lives. Then immediately our human mind steps in and shoots it out of the water!! It throws up all the ‘don’t be stupids’ .. ‘why would YOU think you could do that”…. “you know it will just fail like everything else you’ve ever started and never finished’.. and so it goes on, drawing from a bottomless bag of sabotages!!
You try to stand up to the human mind and tell it to ‘bugger off’ … ‘shut up’…. but in your stomach you feel this, ‘I know it’s right’ so we then exert so much energy fighting with ourselves, (is this where ‘shadow boxing’ came in to being??) that we get so tired of the battle that we just give up. Then we will think of something else we may like to learn/try/do.. and again we go around and around in the same ever increasing circles. It is interesting to think that saying ‘you are your own worst enemy’ is so true!!!!
Our friends encourage us with wonderful words, although we also find those friends who belittle us, because that is what we attract to us by our own thoughts/energy.
So how do we break this cycle?
Well that can be the biggest ‘battle’ of all our our human journeys. We have to firstly learn to ACCEPT UNCONDITIONALLY that we have created and co-created EVERY event we have EVER experienced!!! Then we have to go to the next ‘equally as hard’ step and learn to LOVE OURSELVES UNCONDITIONALLY (oh my goodness, how can I possibly do that, after all, people have always told me how stupid I am, what a failure I am, etc etc!!!) and ‘hey just look at me…. How could ANYONE love me, let alone myself love me’???? I’m ‘too fat’… ‘too thin’…. ‘too dumb’… ‘too lazy’…. yadda yadda yadda!!! You know what, yes we have all experienced those aspects and that’s because we CHOSE to!!! What on earth is the point of coming in to duality if we aren’t going to experience both sides and all of it??!!! Hell, who’d get off the big dipper ride half way through!!!
It’s only when we finally realise, that we’ve been riding this same big dipper FOREVER!!! How many times DO I need to experience going ‘down that same dip’.. then ‘up the next dip’? For by now I know EXACTLY how I need to respond to that experience.. when I go ‘down the dip my tummy goes up (and sometimes out!!)… when I go up ‘the other side’ I feel myself hanging on and trying to use my own energy to get the seat I’m on to struggle up’… and we keep doing that and doing that until one day our eyes look to the side, and go.. what was that!!! I’ve never seen that before!! OMG it’s the exit, I CAN GET OFF THIS DAMN RIDE!!! Why haven’t I ever seen THAT before?????
I have just come back to this space (now September 2010) and I started to write this in March 2010. I was amazed to read these words because quite a few of them came up in a channels I did long after this part of this blog!!
Since writing this I have had an amazing journey of awakening to myself and my ‘gifts’.
I have allowed myself to step through the fear barrier of channelling.
Started with small steps. Doing some typed channels and then a couple of very lovely people allowed me to channel answers to their questions and no one was ever as stunned as I was when I got feedback from those answers!!! Many tears were shed as I released the doubts a little bit at a time.
From there I really ‘stepped out’ and did an audio channel, and again raced back behind the wall of fear and doubt!! Again the feedback was amazing!! Wow could this be ‘true’. Is it safe to trust in what I receive? So putting my big toe into the water again I did some more audios and one for a girl in America who had been answering MY questions!!
When I received her feedback I broke down in sobs of relief, for I was ‘waiting for her approval’ to some degree but also because her reply touched deep into my heart and allowed me to release so much fear of persecution. I knew that she herself was very aware of energy and to have her tell me how the channel felt to her and how deep it went into core issues meant so much to me. Like getting words of confirmation from a University Professor or someone with much experience.
From that I took more leaps and bounds and started doing audio questions for myself.. that sounds easy, but when it’s yourself you fear that you are tainting what you receive. Well that was soon put aside after asking what I thought was a very easy and short basic question then I spent the next 4 days on the couch, processing and integrating the energy that I received. I cried (I have never been able to cry much so far in this life) so deeply and released such deep held grief, the channel took me way beyond the outer layers of what I thought the issue was about!! It took me on a journey that was to allow me to release myself from deep held beliefs and attachments.
From there I have stepped bravely into then putting a channel on a public site, Spirit Library, and as soon as I did that the human mind stepped in and all the old fears of persecution that hadn’t been cleared certainly came up from going ‘public’!! The physical manifestations of that fear were ‘having my head chopped off’. Energetically my head was not attached to my body and I spent a week with vertigo and dizziness and neck pain until I finally got to the bottom of what the neck pain was!! In a ‘past life’ my father, (who was my father in this lifetime) had stabbed me in the neck because of my ‘gifts’, so therefore by going ‘public’ now opened the space for my being to remember what happens when you ‘speak your truth in public’!! A great lesson for me and a wonderful opportunity to work with ‘it is safe to speak my truth!!’
My channelling journey continues still in amazing moments of WOWs!! And this is still just scratching the surface for now I am re integrating the Oracle energy of me. And at this early stage of ‘finding’ Athene, a lifetime I had as an Oracle, and getting to know that aspect of me again and step by step bringing that energy into this timeline, is wonderful and very exciting.