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We all have a thought that we would like this or that to come into our lives.  Then immediately our human mind steps in and shoots it out of the water!!  It throws up all the ‘don’t be stupids’ .. ‘why would YOU think you could do that”…. “you know it will just fail like everything else you’ve ever started and never finished’.. and so it goes on, drawing from a bottomless bag of sabotages!!

You try to stand up to the human mind and tell it to ‘bugger off’ … ‘shut up’…. but in your stomach you feel this, ‘I know it’s right’ so we then exert so much energy fighting with ourselves, (is this where ‘shadow boxing’ came in to being??) that we get so tired of the battle that we just give up.  Then we will think of something else we may like to learn/try/do.. and again we go around and around in the same ever increasing circles. It is interesting to think that saying ‘you are your own worst enemy’ is so true!!!!

Our friends encourage us with wonderful words, although we also find those friends who belittle us, because that is what we attract to us by our own thoughts/energy. 

So how do we break this cycle?

Well that can be the biggest ‘battle’ of all our our human journeys.  We have to firstly learn to ACCEPT UNCONDITIONALLY that we have created and co-created EVERY event we have EVER  experienced!!! Then we have to go to the next ‘equally as hard’ step and learn to LOVE OURSELVES  UNCONDITIONALLY (oh my goodness, how can I possibly do that, after all, people have always told me how stupid I am, what a failure I am, etc etc!!!) and ‘hey just look at me…. How could ANYONE love me, let alone myself love me’????  I’m ‘too fat’… ‘too thin’…. ‘too dumb’… ‘too lazy’…. yadda yadda yadda!!!  You know what, yes we have all experienced those aspects and that’s because we CHOSE to!!!  What on earth is the point of coming in to duality if we aren’t going to experience both sides and all of it??!!!  Hell, who’d get off the big dipper ride half way through!!!

It’s only when we finally realise, that we’ve been riding this same big dipper FOREVER!!!  How many times DO I need to experience going ‘down that same dip’.. then ‘up the next dip’?  For by now I know EXACTLY how I need to respond to that experience.. when I go ‘down the dip my tummy goes up (and sometimes out!!)… when I go up ‘the other side’ I feel myself hanging on and trying to use my own energy to get the seat I’m on to struggle up’… and we keep doing that and doing that until one day our eyes look to the side, and go.. what was that!!! I’ve never seen that before!! OMG it’s the exit, I CAN GET OFF THIS DAMN RIDE!!!  Why haven’t I ever seen THAT before?????

I have just come back to this space (now September 2010) and I started to write this in March 2010.  I was amazed to read these words because quite a few of them came up in a channels I did long after this part of this blog!!

Since writing this I have had an amazing journey of awakening to myself and my ‘gifts’.

I have allowed myself to step through the fear barrier of channelling.

Started with small steps.  Doing some typed channels and then a couple of very lovely people allowed me to channel answers to their questions and no one was ever as stunned as I was when I got feedback from those answers!!!  Many tears were shed as I released the doubts a little bit at a time.

From there I really ‘stepped out’ and did an audio channel, and again raced back behind the wall of fear and doubt!!  Again the feedback was amazing!!  Wow could this be ‘true’.  Is it safe to trust in what I receive?  So putting my big toe into the water again I did some more audios and one for a girl in America who had been answering MY questions!!

When I received her feedback I broke down in sobs  of relief, for I was ‘waiting for her approval’ to some degree but also because her reply touched deep into my heart and allowed me to release so much fear of persecution.  I knew that she herself was very aware of energy and to have her tell me how the channel felt to her and how deep it went into core issues meant so much to me.  Like getting words of confirmation from a University Professor or someone with much experience.

From that I took more leaps and bounds and started doing audio questions for myself.. that sounds easy, but when it’s yourself you fear that you are tainting what you receive. Well that was soon put aside after asking what I thought was a very easy and short basic question then I spent the next 4 days on the couch, processing and integrating the energy that I received.  I cried (I have never been able to cry much so far in this life) so deeply and released such deep held grief, the channel took me way beyond the outer layers of what I thought the issue was about!!  It took me on a journey that was to allow me to release myself from deep held beliefs and attachments.

From there I have stepped bravely into then putting a channel on a public site, Spirit Library, and as soon as I did that the human mind stepped in and all the old fears of persecution that hadn’t been cleared certainly came up from going ‘public’!! The physical manifestations of that fear were ‘having my head chopped off’.  Energetically my head was not attached to my body and I spent a week with vertigo and dizziness and neck pain until I finally got to the bottom of what the neck pain was!! In a ‘past life’ my father, (who was my father in this lifetime) had stabbed me in the neck because of my ‘gifts’, so therefore by going ‘public’ now opened the space for my being to remember what happens when you ‘speak your truth in public’!!  A great lesson for me and a wonderful opportunity to work with ‘it is safe to speak my truth!!’

My channelling journey continues still in amazing moments of WOWs!! And this is still just scratching the surface for now I am re integrating the Oracle energy of me.  And at this early stage of ‘finding’ Athene, a lifetime I had as an Oracle, and getting to know that aspect of me again and step by step bringing that energy into this timeline, is wonderful and very exciting.

Ahh!!!  This is my first entry into the world of blogging and I know that one day I will look back at this moment and think.. how did I find it so confusing?? But until that moment arrives I will do as I have always done in my life and take on the persona of my star sign, that of the Bull and barge through this world of virtuality with horns forward, tail swinging from side to side, hoofs beating a fast and uncaring pathway through the ‘store’ and hope that at some stage this will all make sense.

I guess it is a bit like my spiritual awakening, moving deeper and deeper into the unknown but trusting that my inner self is on auto pilot and remembers the way ‘home’ and eventually I will look up and see the most glorious sight of.. recognition.. I am here.. I have arrived back at my point of commencement and I AM all that I AM but with one hell of a lot of duality experiences under my angelic belt!!

My hope is for this page to become one of welcome to those who are journeying the re-ascension path; of bringing ‘home’ here to this planet. To share our experiences of how we have survived this journey of letting go of old belief patterns and learning to live from our heart centre. To jump all the hurdles we put in front of ourselves and land somehow, on both feet on the other side, and feeling exhilerated and ready for the next step/hurdle.

A place of safety in our sacred spaces to share without judgment of others or self, to honour and encourage each other, to expand our own consciousness so that we are living on full awareness of the I AM. Embodying all of our true self in conscious creating, for as we think, speak, create it is not just us that is in that energy.  We are each other in every moment, as I heal, you heal, as I hurt, you hurt, as I love myself you love yourself.  What a wonderful gift to be able to heal ourselves so that each and every person as well as all of creation receives that healing.  We are truly blessed.. Let’s be in full awareness of this ability.